I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and I’ve realized that what really matters is that you truly believe in yourself. It’s that driving force that will keep you brazing any storm, standing amid any struggle and help you get up after every nasty fall. It will ultimately lead you to success and serenity. As Lady Mary Wortley Montagu once wrote… “While conscience is our friend, all is at peace; however once it is offended, farewell to a tranquil mind.” So true. I can say that this helped me get over such a tumble in my life lately, aside from my true friends of course. People may say awful things to you, hurt you, and accuse you of spiteful things but what’s most essential is what your conscience tells you. If you dig deep down and you still can truthfully say to yourself that you’ve done nothing wrong, you meant no harm and you are practicing the truth, then, by all means, peace is yours.
Aside from self-worth, what else have I learned recently? Well, there’s genuine acceptance and the authenticity of friendship…
Don’t hang out with people if you don’t really like them. Don’t befriend them if in truth, their personality makes you sick. Saying that you accept them for who they really are is completely diverse from essentially knowing who they are, and ultimately accepting their flaws, along with their good traits. Try this test: Picture a person whom you consider a friend in your mind and think of all the adjectives that you could associate to him/her. If the words that come out are more negative than positive, or worse… everything you think of is terrible, then you have to think twice. Maybe you don’t really want to be that person’s companion. Remember, to be a person’s real friend, you have to be able to see the beauty and the goodness of that person, despite his/her age, job and/or status in life.
Also, as I’ve said before, take responsibility for your actions and have the balls to apologize… with sincerity. Hey, when it’s your fault, it’s your fault. There was and will never be a time machine to the past nor a liquid eraser for life. It’s easier to apologize when you’ve set aside your pride and embraced your mistakes. An apology is no good if you don’t mean it or if you don’t really understand why you are saying sorry in the first place.
More importantly, I’ve discovered more about modesty. You are the exact opposite of the word if you think so highly of yourself. No one is perfect. No matter what your successes are, try not to be so full of yourself. Always think that you’re a bottle half-empty… waiting to be filled with awesome experiences, magnificent companions and tremendous knowledge.
I’ve learned that no animosity, turmoil and depression is so great for you to conquer. Have faith in yourself, draw strength from the Man Upstairs and get counsel from your true friends, whose advice may not always be in your favor but is always valuable.
Another thing is forgiveness. Just like respect, this is earned when it is due. I’m sorry for all those people I’ve wronged and I forgive all those who hurt me, one way or another. Although this recent altercation left a nasty flesh wound, I dare say that my heart would heal and open up with clemency once the time is right. I know everything will fall into the right place in God’s time. I used to wonder what that meant, until I learned the hard way.
Last but not the least… “When God closes a door, he opens a window.” I lost friends but I surprisingly earned new ones and regained old ones. Thank you for seeing something good in me. Thank you for finally seeing the truth. To all my silent friends/supporters, words can’t express how thankful I am for your trust in me. We may not always see nor talk to each other, but our faith in one another still stands. To my loved ones who chose to come out and walk through the line of fire with me, I am, and forever will be, grateful to you guys. You inspire me to pick myself up from every fall and aspire to become a better person.
Here’s to a new beginning. A new life. The rain will soon stop pouring and now dawn is breaking… the purple haze will soon be gone and hopefully, the sun will soon rise.
